Drivepast Rants

Report From The Front

Wed, 11 Oct 2006 08:52:43 +0100

Whilst flicking through some recent auction results, I noted that, at the Goodwood Revival Bonham's Automobilia auction, a couple of Le Mans posters sold. We're talking the movie, not the event. One, an Italian photobusta, which I sold recently for a little more than �100, was knocked down at �280. Plus buyer's premium. Plus VAT. The other, an Italian locandina i.e. about 28 inches x 12 inches, which I sold recently for a bit over �100, sold at Bonham's for �400, again, plus premium and VAT. That means a total of about �500. What a shame the two buyers (or maybe one buyer) hadn't checked their current copy of Octane, Motorsport, Classic and Sports Car, Vintage Racecar, or even the Citroen Car Club magazine, all of which have either ads or articles about Drivepast. As is obvious, we're here to save you money ! Drop in and see me at the Alfa Romeo Club stand at the NEC, at the end of October.

Beware The One They Call VARDIS

Thu, 14 Sep 2006 09:38:25 +0100

This bunch of shysters and snake-oil salesmen phone you, using the ruse of selling advertising from which all income goes to charity. They get your name from your previous advertising. This is a particularly sleazy and persistant bunch. It is not necessary for me to say more, because there is a noble website that has their measure: go to www.blagger.com and put 'vardis' in their search engine. (To express your gratitude for this selfless public announcement, as offered by Lord Drivepast,a cheque made out to my favourite charity "Let's Get Pissed on Expensive Wine", would be appreciated.)

Pitch Bitch.

Wed, 09 Aug 2006 08:36:28 +0100

Drivepast will be doing fewer and fewer of the major shows in future. This year we didn't do the Goodwood Festival, for the first time. Nor will we be doing the Goodwood Revival, again, for the first time. Both of these events seem to have become victims of their own success......still terrific for visitors, but with poor organisation and rising prices, combined with a rapidly changing visitor profile, increasingly difficult for this trader to justify. The International Historic Sports show at Stoneleigh early next year looks like another non-starter. Effectively �900 for my pitch ? This year's event only just covered costs, and that was when prices were lower. Of course, there will always be the Beaulieu International in September; an aging, faintly mad great-aunt of a show, that you have to visit once a year to stay in the will. And the Le Mans Classic; light on the bureaucracy, moderate on cost, and a fabulous atmosphere.....everything the Revival should be, in this trader's view. And the Silverstone Classic ? Why do I make more money there, when they get about 10% of the Goodwood crowds ? Because the crowds are enthusiasts, not corporate jolliers, hamburger munching knuckleheads, or champagne swilling hoorays. Drivepast will be trying some new and different stuff from now on, starting with the Dutch Concours d'Elegance.........where my expenses will be around half that of the Goodwood Revival that is on the same weekend, and my income ? It can't be worse than at the chaotically organised Revival of 2005. I'll let you know. UPDATE: Now back from Holland. It is obvious that my next job should not be in Risk Assessment. The Dutch Concours was a complete wash-out (in all senses of the expression) for me, and bless my patron saint Franco the Fantastico for giving me one high spot to the weekend. Back to the drawing board !

Short Shirt Shock

Thu, 13 Jul 2006 15:14:54 +0100

A chap needs a couple of new shirts for the Le Mans Classic, so goes to a bespoke shirt shop, which, gladsomely, is having a sale. Buys shirts; a fetching blue check, and a fractionally gay pink, as you ask. Both have rather splendid double cuffs, but horror ! Both are as tailless as a freshly dagged sheep, and to compound this act of fabricly meanness, no breast pocket ! These stupidities are on a par with the drinking of lager from bottles (having stuffed a piece of citrus fruit into top of said bottles) in the assistance to the downfall of civilised man. A frosty glass is the answer for lager, because you can always wipe the moisture from your hands on the tail of your shirt, or upon the silk kerchief in your breast pocket. Unless, of course, you bought the poxy shirt in the Moss Bros sale.

Techno-Babble

Fri, 16 Jun 2006 10:06:48 +0100

.......and that's another thing. As Matt Simpson, who is our technical guru, webmaster and all round good egg ( note to pedants: Yes, I know an egg is ovoid......get out more.) was putting together our new RANTS page, I noted that we now have a blog. What the hell is a blog ? Where did this neanderthal grunt of a word come from ? Is this 'blog' in fact the internet equivalent of talk-back radio ? Don't get me started on phone-ins.......nitwits with nothing better to do than read and listen to the cheap sensationalist headlines of the shyster media, and then regurgitate these ill-written, half-witted, bigoted headlines, as 'informed opinion'. And that's just the presenters. At least they're being paid to act the simpleton advocate.....what excuse has Sam Suburban for phoning these snake-oil salesmen ? His excuse is that he's a self-important twerp with too much time on his hands, and he believes he matters. Probably a Parish Councillor as well. We'll discuss the title of this rant on another occasion. Right now, I shall wipe the spittle from my chin, and go for a lie-down.

The Movie: 'CARS' - a four wheeled turkey.........

Thu, 15 Jun 2006 19:52:45 +0100

At Drivepast, we've only seen the trailers for the Disney-Pixar movie CARS , but as we watched, we were aware of an increasing turbine-like noise, combined with giggling. My friends, that was STEVE McQUEEN spinning in his grave, and occasionally giving vent to the mirth he feels at his chum, and motor-racing legend, PAUL NEWMAN , getting himself hitched to this four-wheeled turkey. We've previously loved Disney, adored Pixar, and of course we're all nuts about the automobile, but combine all three; call the wheeled hero Lightning McQueen, and we appear to have a super-cutesy, utterly soulless, grimly PC offering, which you should avoid, as you would avoid sex with close relatives, and animals other than sheep. We will of course martyr ourselves for you and watch the full thing at the first opportunity, reporting back with the open-mindedness and fairness you would expect from Truly Grumpy Old Men. In the meantime we'll let you see some of the international release posters that we will resolutely NOT be stocking.